I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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