let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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