yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
