i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
