haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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