i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
