I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
