I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize