stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
