Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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