i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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