if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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