omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
