I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize