you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize