I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
