I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
