it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
