ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
