Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
