Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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