at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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