my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
