I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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