Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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