Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
