And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
