she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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