Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
