i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
