How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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