Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
