i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
