I must be too annoying 4 u.
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize