FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
