Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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