I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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