this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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