It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
