walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
