i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We need to rekindle our bromance
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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