We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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