Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
