If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where is the hickey?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
