You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize