I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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