The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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