No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
