Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
