People in love make me want to vomit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
