I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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