Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
