a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The air was thick with penises
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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