She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love having hate sex.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
