So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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