We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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