Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
