She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize