I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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