Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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