I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
