Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
