Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
