Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
