o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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