Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
