I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize