And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
