it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My balls are so social today.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
