from now on my penis is your penis
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize