we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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