drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
