Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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