Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
