I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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