have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
