I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just pee around me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
