my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize