There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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