Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
